Raising Muslim Daughters

06 Jan

My oldest daughter used to love schoolwork. She would often finish her assignments and ask for more work.  Then it seems, not too long after she turned 12 things changed. Although she is still interested in her studies to a degree, its just not the same as before. I begin to look for reasons as to why and though I could possibly pinpoint a few causes, but one reason that kept staring me in the face was that my daughter was growing up, she was beginning to go through physical and emotional changes as adolescence began to set in. 

As a Muslim mother, the thought is at once scary, but also exciting.  It is so amazing to see the once little, totally dependent baby, year by year transform into a beautiful young lady.  You can talk about more things now, carry on deeper conversations. You can share clothes and beauty tips, things to draw you closer.  But on the other hand, there is so much going on inside of them that also bridges a gap between you.

Now being women and having gone through adolescence, as mothers we can identify with some of the things that they will be going through.  But each person handles things differently and though we may have an idea of what they are going through, we cannot be inside their heads to know what they are exactly feeling and thinking. 

We may start off as new mothers not knowing what to do, often feeling inept, and then we think we are getting the hang of it and then, boom, adolescence arrives and then we start back all over feeling as if we have no clue.

I have run into others with teenage/preteen  daughters saying the exact same things. How do we raise these young ladies to be righteous Muslim women, good mothers and spouses? I have gotten requests to add resources to TJ to address this (which I hope to add), but in reality, the educational "curriculum," if you will,  is quite simple.

First, most obviously, we must set good examples. We as their mothers /stepmothers provide their true foundation for being women.  We know from the beginning, they mimic our sayings and actions. If we want them to speak and act accordingly, so too must we (first).

And, we must look to/read the Quraan to see what Allah has commanded of us. Teach our daughters to stay away from what Allah has commanded us to stay away from and embrace what he has commanded us to do even if we see something very different occurring in the world around us.

And we look to the Sunnah to see how our most perfect examples of Muslim women, the wives (radiallahu anhunna) of the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salla(m were in character and behavior. Read ahadith about them and discuss them. Show our young Muslimahs that it is these women we want to emulate rather than contemporary women.

I came across an excellent blog that I think would be helpful in further helping young Muslimahs to become Muslim women and help us as Muslim women ourselves, insha Allah. There are fatawa and other tips, based upon the Quraan and Sunnah.

The Glass Vessels: Strictly for the Sisters

From more general information about raising daughters, from a secular standpoint, I found some articles from Family Education that might be helpful (of course anything contradictory to Islam should be left)

Giving and Getting Advice

Mothers Raising Daughters: 30 Critical Tips

What’s Going on Inside Your Daughter’s Head?

What Could My Teen Daughter Be Thinking?

Punishing and Grounding Your Teen Daughter

Why Nothing Moms Do Is Right

The Art of Talking to Teenagers

More on Raising Your Teenage Daughter

May Allah allow those of us with little/young Muslimahs to raise them to be righteous Muslim women. Ameen.

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1 Comment

Posted by on January 6, 2008 in Uncategorized


One response to “Raising Muslim Daughters

  1. The Homeschoolin Ummi

    January 6, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    As Salaamu alayki

    Mashaallah, I am so glad you touched on this topic… My baby girl is starting out shes only 10 but you can see sings of physical and emotional changes and It scares me. Sometimes I feel like I am not a good mommy, Due to not having money to give her all that I would have love to give her. I feel like she deserves so much more as a child and now I only hope that I can help her along the way in becoming a women, and what terrifies me is that I feel like I will not be able to since i didn’t do such a good job while shes still my lil baby. I wanted to do so much with her as a baby and I never got that chance. I pray that she is happy and that mashallah I can give her a better much happier time as a preteen. Thank you for this inshallah barakaallahu feeki

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