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Reflections for New Muslim “Ummies” (and reminders for us “oldies”)

03 Sep

If you’re a new mom, you are probably anxious about your new role. bgsit-yellowpixeldesigns_com

  • Can you handle being a mom?
  • Will you make mistakes?
  • Will you be like your mother?

Rest (or in some cases unrest) assured that:


1) You are fit for the task (Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope (2:286)

SubhanAllah, when I had my first child 16 years ago, I was an absolute wreck. I had never really been around babies and was terrified to take care of this new little creature that had come from me. If I told you the stories of my first experiences of being a mom, I’d be so embarrassed I’d probably become cyber-ly non existent due to embarrassment. (ok, they’re not bad, but still….)

Thinking back to my emotional state at that time, there is no way on Allah’s  green earth, that I would have imagined that today I’d be mom/stepmom to 9. (No one who knew me “back when” would have probably envisioned that either.)

But masha Allah,  though I felt very incompetent back then,  I marvel now, at the mom I have become. Far from perfect, but experienced and learning along the way how to strive to be the best mom I can be. I fall short from my expectations, but have come so far by the grace of Allah. So that’s what I try to focus on and ways to improve.

2) You will make mistakes

We’re all human. You will make mistakes. And most likely you will make mistakes that your children will remember for the rest of their lives. They’ll remember something you said (or didn’t say, but should have), something you did( or didn’t do, but should have).  Don’t beat yourself up.

When you mess up big time, you feel it. You regret it. So ask Allah to forgive you and to help you to do better.  Turn those mistakes into learning experiences and really strive to learn from them.

3) No matter how hard you try you will “be like your mother”

Just about all of us say this.  But insha Allah, maybe now, as a mother yourself, you will appreciate your mother better.  Those mistakes she made are now your lessons, and insha Allah you will learn from them —what NOT to do. BUT, if you had a less than ideal upbringing with your mom don’t overlook the good things that she did and take lessons from those as well.

4) There is  no perfect mom

Get the idea out of your head that there is a perfect mom.  Don’t  look to other moms and feel guilty that you are not doing this and that. Use those things that you glean from them as lessons and motivations to do better. And remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.  That mom that you’re looking at could be looking right back at ya.

5) With age comes experience and wisdom

But not perfection (remember item 4?). Insha Allah,  you’ll eventually look up and be reflecting upon your motherhood as I am doing now.  You will have learned, insha Allah, that setting examples is by far, probably the best things that you can do for your child. When you see your kid repeating words or actions, that shouldn’t repeated, you’ll learn right away (though it still may take some effort to still change, but you will be more aware). You’ll learn to take simple everyday occurrences and turn them into great learning moments (no worksheets, just Q& A, heart to hearts, research, etc).  You’ll  begin to learn that this challenging job doesn’t last forever and that you’d better seize every moment that you can, because you can’t get those moments back.

And, insha Allah, if you are very fortunate as I feel I am, you’ll learn that despite the challenges, headaches, frustrations, messes, arguments, fighting, back talk….oops, got carried away……. that you love being a mom and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!  Masha Allah!

Now stop reading this and strive to be the best umm you can be!

Graphic: Muslima Online Artists

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2 Comments

Posted by on September 3, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “Reflections for New Muslim “Ummies” (and reminders for us “oldies”)

  1. Hijabi Apprentice

    September 4, 2009 at 4:30 am

    I love you for the sake of Allah just for this post alone! I’ve been feeling like a bad mom lately because I’m not hip to all the “stuff” you’re supposed to do for babies developmentally. This is my first baby and I have 3 step kids so I oftentimes feel simply overwhelmed. Oy vey!

     
    • talibiddeenjr

      September 9, 2009 at 5:47 am

      Masha Allah, I’m so happy you found it helpful!

      I’ve found that you just learn naturally to do a lot of the developmental stuff you are “supposed to do” and may even do it and not realize it, just through your loving play with your little one.

      Try not to stress yourself out and do what just comes naturally and take tips and ideas where you can. If you can apply them great, if not, great too. There’s so much out there and so much contradictory stuff sometimes, that its best to leave it up, Allahu ilm to your natural instincts—which you have, it just may take time for them to bloom, as was SO the case with me, lol.

      Enjoy your little one.

       
 
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